“Fear, like any other strong emotion, can make us exquisitely conscious of living, perfectly aware of being in the moment. It can only do that, however, on those rare occasions when we don’t try to fight it, run away from it, cope with it, suppress it, tame it, or otherwise domesticate it.”
Gerald May
-
-
Life is not like that…
I felt a strong emotion rise to the surface while on my bus ride this morning. Tears welled up in my eyes, not from sadness or pain but more along the lines of some feeling of love. What is strange about this feeling of love is because of an incident of anger that happened 15 minutes earlier while leaving the condo. I was running a couple minutes late and if I didn’t hustle I would miss the bus which would cause me to have to wait a half hour for the next bus. As I grabbed the doorknob I remembered I needed to get my renewed bus pass out of the pocket of my backpack and felt the anxiety within. As I took the backpack off I got tangled up with the straps and my anxiety burst into anger and choice words (#@&!). Almost immediately after hearing the words come out of my mouth and noticed my increased emotions, I took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled. I ask myself what was I really angry at? It was sure not the backpacks fault. This led to a few moments of reflection. While walking to the bus stop I became aware of how much I wanted the world to run smoothly all the time, especially for me. But, the reality is life is not like that.
Then while on the bus I observed these students solemnly heading to class and wondered what they may be going through. I could see some to be stressed out with school or worried about some relationship that is struggling. Maybe there are health problems in their life, theirs or family. No one’s life runs smoothly all the time nor is there a reason to expect it. The real question is how we face and deal with life. For me the feeling of love on the bus was for those who may be going through much more than getting tangled up their backpack. I have much to learn. Sigh! If you read this far, thanks for listening.