My online journal where I share my interests in photography, nature, coffee life, journaling, fountain pens, bicycling, spirituality and asking deep questions.
To be alive and walk on the Earth is a miracle, and yet most of us are running as if there was some better place to get to. There is beauty calling to us every day, every hour, but we are rarely in a position to listen.
Thich Nhat Hanh
I can easily find myself running, sometimes unaware of the direction I’m running. Often times it’s driven by fear, worry, fatigue, anger, running late, and not surprisingly, influenced by our highly driven society. I have a few of ways to slow down. One is to journal. Another is time in nature. Prayer and meditation time is another. As I think about that I realize they allow me to see more of the beauty in this world. Enjoy your Monday!
This was the scene this morning over Dixon Reservoir at Pineridge Natural area. Meadowlarks, magpies and robins excitedly sang as this new day began.
“… silence is one of the great victims of modern culture.”
John O’Donohue, Anam Cara
I mention silence quite often on this blog because it’s become an integral part of my life. So it isn’t surprising that the above quote has inspired me to write a few words on what it means to say silence is a victim of modern culture.
I’ve come to believe silence does not mean the absence of sounds or words. I’ve experienced silence in a church and in an open meadow that’s filled with the songs of birds, and even in the chaos of a busy coffee shop. For those who know only the world of sounds or words, silence can seem like an emptiness, uncomfortable, fearful and try to avoid it at any cost. More than one of my spiritual guides suggests that sounds and words have their source in silence. And when I allow myself to be open minded, I have to wonder if silence is something we carry within us, a gift we all are given at our very conception, begging us to embrace it. Maybe it’s something we experience in the ground of our very being. I’ve learned from my practice in quiet prayer, meditation and journaling, that I can have the capacity to detach from a chattering, talkative mind and embrace silence. It’s in these times I find the expansiveness of silence to be inexhaustibly rich. And, I therefore want more.
So, I’ve enjoyed contemplating this question that John O’Donohue asks because I know individuals who do not like silence. I will continue to ponder his statement because I’ve also wondered if silence has become a victim that’s been drowned out by a culture obsessed with man made noise, out of control busyness, consumerism and almost total separation from nature? Or, have we turned away from or forgotten the silence already within us? If either of those, or both, are true then we can easily reclaim our silence.
I apologize if my ramblings do not make sense but I’m going to push the publish button and send it out there. If you have thoughts to share please offer them and give us that insight. Hope you had a great day!
A predawn self-portrait near Horsetooth Reservoir – 2012
Wakan Tanka, Great Mystery, teach me how to trust my heart, my mind, my intuition, my inner knowing, the senses of my body, the blessings of my spirit. Teach me to trust these things so that I may enter my Sacred Space and love beyond my fear, and thus Walk in Balance with the passing of each glorious Sun.
“Fear, like any other strong emotion, can make us exquisitely conscious of living, perfectly aware of being in the moment. It can only do that, however, on those rare occasions when we don’t try to fight it, run away from it, cope with it, suppress it, tame it, or otherwise domesticate it.”
Sometimes when things are going well, the daredevil squirrel of worry suddenly leaps from the back of my head to the feeder, swings by his paws and clambers up, twitching his question mark tail. And though I try the recommended baffles — tin cone of meditation, greased pipe of positive thought — every sunflower seed in this life is his if he wants it.
Ted Kooser, Winter Morning Walks, page 48
Well, I did not receive the news I wanted to hear from my cardiologist yesterday. The valve is in the severe stage and something needs to be done. The valve that was replaced 4 years ago is, in the doctor’s opinion, too small for my body which is why it failed so early. An echocardiogram 1 month post TAVR echo shows elevated MG of 26mmHg and Vmax of 3.27m/s, consistent with PPM. Which in doctor speak says the valve is already struggling. So, they are recommending I meet with a cardiothoracic surgeon for a possible SAVR (open heart surgery again) with a root enlargement, making that opening larger to accommodate a larger replacement valve. I have an Left Heart Cath set for Feb 13th then meet with the surgeon on the 15th. If the cardiothoracic surgeon does not think I’m a good candidate for whatever reason, the groin procedure is still an option but they’d still be looking at a valve that is too small. Not what I want. My next appointment is with the Hematologist to look at my low Platelet numbers. They say I’m thrombocytopenia.
Again, it’s not the news I wanted but it’s what I have. Another opportunity to live in the present moment by keeping an eye on my feet and wiggling my toes.
About the image and poem by Ted Kooser. I’ve encountered this squirrel of worry throughout my life and in the past 4 weeks it has been quite busy. I must admit all my worries are based in fear (False Evidence Appearing Real). I do my best to face these worries as part of life by finding quiet time, practicing prayer and meditation, spending time in nature and reaching out to a listening ear or being that listening ear. Avoiding my fears or denying them has never been a solution. Hoping you’re having a great Wednesday!
This morning I noticed a young man in his early thirties strutting into the coffee shop1I am aware that I was immediately judgmental of him but this brought up some wonderful questions to ask myself and journal about it. His entrance was noticeable because of his tough guy walk. The demeanor offered a feeling of toughness, don’t mess with me attitude. Nor was I the only one who turned and noticed. As he ordered his drink it was then that I noticed he was packing a gun on his right side. So, the next time I see a police officer walk into a coffee shop wearing their weapons I’ll check to see if they have the same strut.
Anyway, this gave me some fodder for my journaling and also stirred this posting. What or who is he afraid of? Was his reality of life that foundationally scary and insecure? Did he feel the half dozen customers were possible enemies and that he needed to protect himself at any cost? I personally have never in my 20 some years of coffee shop life encountered a wild beast in a coffee shop. I have seen a dog or two. About the only life they could point a weapon at is another person.
My reality of life presents something different. Seems I have more fear, and am at a greater risk, from the driver who is trying to text message and drive at the same time than I do of being shot in a coffee shop. And, I also have more fear of politicians, corporate executives, and the wealthy who will do anything to attain more money, power and control due to the fear they will lose what they have or not attain what they want. And, in all honesty, I have a fear of the person packing the gun and how they will use the weapon under a stressful situation, will they use it with reactionary fear.
To end this post I must say we have no idea of the life experiences, the physical, sexual, verbal, emotional abuse and violence, others have had in life that presents their reality of life as threatening. So in my journaling and writing of this post I find gratitude for the life I have lived, the safety and security my family and community gave me and continue to give me and the innate goodness I see in this world. Reaffirms my belief that packing a gun will not prevent violence or put an end to violence and damn sure it will not bring peace.
“A shadow is never created in darkness. It is born of light. We can be blind to it and blinded by it. Our shadow asks us to look at what we don’t want to see”
Terry Tempest Williams
There is a dark side of me I that I did not always want to see or admit to knowing about. It’s a side that can be full of hate, anger, jealousy, envy, fear, insecurity, self-centeredness, and the list goes on. I imagine everyone could also add to this list. When I was younger I avoided looking inward, always had a focus on how I wanted you to see me outwardly. I am grateful for this time in my life where I use self-examination along with prayer and meditation as the light to acknowledge and face the shadow side of myself. It is a path of self discovery.
