My online journal where I share my interests in photography, nature, coffee life, journaling, fountain pens, bicycling, spirituality and asking deep questions.
I finally pulled the trigger and bought a fountain pen I’ve wanted for a couple of years. It’s a Pilot Custom Heritage 92 in transparent blue and a medium nib. I know people do rave about it’s performance. My sister actually owns two of them. The 14kt gold nib is quite smooth and it is the only Pilot piston-filled fountain pen. Since journaling is a daily practice for me, I justify the purchase. In the final analysis I bought it because i wanted it. I received it yesterday and will give you more feedback on how I like it.
Started another journal on October 5th. This is my 22nd book since my first journal entry back on October 7, 1990. The first entry consisted of five sentences at a time of struggle. There was a lot going on inside mading it difficult to express myself in any coherent way. I wrote about a struggling marriage, family issues, job changes, entering into another unnecessary war and the downward spiral of our society. That was 24 years ago. The marriage ended 9 months later. There are still family issues, I’m now retired, we’re still senselessly killing and our society still has a broken thinker.
I’ve noticed my writing style has changed. I’m not writing to necessarily find answers but to pursue other questions. My journals are a mix of diaries, writings to a Higher Power (God) and co-authored with him. My audience is for family and friends as well as myself. The journals have been therapy for me. Some things I write and then read back over can enlighten me to a deeper knowledge of myself and allow for an acceptance of the world around me. I find it brings clarity, focus, slows down my troubled thinker and helps organize it. It has become an important part of my life. Now, if I could put words in some sort of coherency instead of feeling like I’m babbling.
We are seeing more color changing in town. Some hardwoods are turning red and there are plenty of yellows. The other evening I grabbed the camera and just walked around the parking lot of my complex to find these leaves. I like how they start around the edges. Earlier in the afternoon I rode my bicycle to the Old Town area and did some writing at a local coffee shop called Mugs. While sitting at the table a leaf fluttered down on my table. Luckliy I had my camera so I could show everyone. 🙂
I lost it. I felt the anger and resentment well up inside of me, making me physically unhealthy. My back and neck were tight and the aching was more than annoying me. I did not like where I was. My mind kept playing out scenes which did not need to be imagined. Life was not what I wanted and I was not accepting it. I prayed for relarese from these unwelcomed thoughts and feelings.
I settled into some quiet hoping to settle the restless spirit within me. I then grabbed my journal and began to write with the hope of putting my thoughts down in black and white would help them subside. Since the rain had stopped and the sun was peaking out between the rolling clouds and offering glimpses of bright blue skies, a restlessness was beckoning me to get up and move. With camera over my shoulder I walked within close proximity of my hotel. I whispered prayers and opened myself to the muse hoping it would point my photographers eye to the unseen images around me. Once back in my room it felt good to stretch out on my bed and relax. As I laid there I noticed the tension, anger, resentment and the unhealthy focusing on my “self” had slipped away. Was it the writing, the prayer, the quiet time, the walk or pressing the shutter on my camera? Hopefully it was all of them. I lost them.
I began journaling about 18 years ago. Not sure how I got started. I was in a confused place in life and maybe thought it would help me through it. I have used it ever since although not on a daily basis. It has become a way for me to reduce the chatter in my head, get a better view of myself and where I’m at. Yesterday was one of those days where I needed to write. Before I knew it I was headed out the door and ended up at a local coffee house. As I walked in the door they served up my usual, a decaffeinated mocha. I found a table on the west side of the patio and sat down. I brought along David DuChemin‘s book, Within the Frame, read from it for awhile. But my primary purpose was to write down my thoughts and feelings in my moleskin. As words found their way onto the pages, confusion and serenity began to settle in. Before I knew it I was enjoying a beautiful sunset and I felt so much better.
Hotel time. As with many who travel with their work, we can find ourselves spending some alone time in our hotel rooms. As I have written about before the desk in our rooms can be a place to relax, journal, read and find quiet time. On this trip I brought along my laptop because of my recurrent training and study.
“When we can be in touch with what is wonderful in the present moment, we are nourished and healed. When our energy of right mindfulness has become solid, we can use it to recognize and embrace our suffering and pain, our anger and hatred, our greed, violence, jealousy, and despair. Dwelling peacefully in the present moment can bring about wonderful healing, and can take ourselves out of the clutches of regret about and attachment to the past, and of our worries and fear of the future.” The Energy of Prayer by Thich Nhat Hanh
Reading back over some early journaling of mine I found the word “want” as a consistent theme. The word was standing out boldly and caused me to ask why I was using it. Each time I used the word, it was in reference to the past or future. I became aware of how easily I moved away from the present and journeyed to another time where I cannot physically live. As the Buddha taught, “The past is already gone. the future has not yet come. Life can only be touched in the present moment.” I realized I was not accepting the present moment.
