• poems,  poetry

    Squirrel of Worry

    January 25, 2023

    Sometimes when things are going well,
    the daredevil squirrel of worry
    suddenly leaps from the back of my head
    to the feeder, swings by his paws
    and clambers up, twitching his question mark tail.
    And though I try the recommended baffles —
    tin cone of meditation, greased pipe
    of positive thought — every sunflower seed
    in this life is his if he wants it.

    Ted Kooser, Winter Morning Walks, page 48

    Well, I did not receive the news I wanted to hear from my cardiologist yesterday. The valve is in the severe stage and something needs to be done. The valve that was replaced 4 years ago is, in the doctor’s opinion, too small for my body which is why it failed so early. An echocardiogram 1 month post TAVR echo shows elevated MG of 26mmHg and Vmax of 3.27m/s, consistent with PPM. Which in doctor speak says the valve is already struggling. So, they are recommending I meet with a cardiothoracic surgeon for a possible SAVR (open heart surgery again) with a root enlargement, making that opening larger to accommodate a larger replacement valve. I have an Left Heart Cath set for Feb 13th then meet with the surgeon on the 15th. If the cardiothoracic surgeon does not think I’m a good candidate for whatever reason, the groin procedure is still an option but they’d still be looking at a valve that is too small. Not what I want. My next appointment is with the Hematologist to look at my low Platelet numbers. They say I’m thrombocytopenia.

    Again, it’s not the news I wanted but it’s what I have. Another opportunity to live in the present moment by keeping an eye on my feet and wiggling my toes.

    About the image and poem by Ted Kooser. I’ve encountered this squirrel of worry throughout my life and in the past 4 weeks it has been quite busy. I must admit all my worries are based in fear (False Evidence Appearing Real). I do my best to face these worries as part of life by finding quiet time, practicing prayer and meditation, spending time in nature and reaching out to a listening ear or being that listening ear. Avoiding my fears or denying them has never been a solution. Hoping you’re having a great Wednesday!

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  • People/Portraits,  Self-portraits

    Grateful

    December 5, 2020
    Taken in March 2018

    Two years ago today they wheeled me into a cold operating room, opened up my chest, stopped my heart, replaced the aortic valve, restarted the heart then glued me back together (seriously). I’m still here. So what is my life like after major open heart surgery? Early recovery after surgery was a slow process but two years later I feel like all is well. I’m only on two medicines, 83 mg of bayer aspirin and Atorvastatin. Doctors tell me heart sounds good, so I’ll go with that and continue my now annual examinations. It is my responsibility to keep this body as healthy as I can so I walk regularly and eat as healthy as I can. I say that because every once in awhile I eat a DQ Blizzard when they are not looking. The doctors and nurses did their part. I want to now do my part.

    The past two years I’ve started and finished a book with images of horizons including thoughts I have on the horizons we all face in our lives. It’s written in my crude poetic form but it’s a start, something new. I have begun to read poetry which I had never done before. I’m blaming all this on the meds. Even began to experiment with haiku which I’m enjoying but taxing for most readers of this blog. I’ve started another small book that includes a few current images and the haikus I’ve written. About a year ago I had cataract surgery so I no longer need to wear glasses except to read. The change in my vision after eye surgery was amazing and without a doubt made me a much better photographer. 😁 So with the change in my vision and a new perspective on life I upgraded my camera this past year so I can be an even better photographer. 😁

    In all seriousness my heart is working just fine and is full of gratitude. I am also grateful for you who follow this blog, your comments of enlightenment and encouragement and for any prayers you may have offered! Yes, grateful!

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  • architecture,  Art

    Need some repairs…

    March 3, 2020

    Shallow Depth of Field

    About noon today I will be having some mild surgery. It seems the incision (a new seam I didn’t have previously) from my heart surgery over a year ago needs some repair. A hernia has appears at the bottom of the incision just below my sternum. I have no pain with it but it is getting larger. So, about noon today they will knock me out, add another scar to my chest, and charge me for doing it, all while I’m asleep. It will be outpatient but anesthesia will be used so I may have some shallow depth of field and blurry vision for a few hours. Sort of like the image above. I will be back on line as soon as possible.

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  • Cityscapes/Urban,  Humor,  lifestyles

    Valve Job

    December 5, 2018

    No, this is not my valve
    No, this is not my valve

    Today they will pop the hood and do the valve job. At pre-op last week I learned that this morning I will have a tube down my nose, a tube down my throat, and a catheter inserted. Sounds like fun, huh!

    Today I am grateful for life, what I’ve accomplished and all I still dream of accomplishing, my family and friends, and each new lease on life. Hopefully this surgery with offer me another lease. If so, then I believe my task will be to use the coming years to the fullest, whatever that may be.

    The new aortic valve will look different than the one pictured above and definitely be much smaller. The valves are usually made of pig or cow, somehow. The doctors have chosen to use one made from a cow which has an expected lifetime of 15-20 years, about 5 more than a pig.

     I have really not had much worry but every once in awhile a feeling of fear arises then subsides. The surgery does not bother me as much as the recovery. Probably not going to be posting much for a while but will get back on line as soon as I’m able. Thanks for being a part of my life! 

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  • architecture,  Black and White,  shadows,  window

    A Valve Job

    October 3, 2018

    Shadows in Old Town
    Shadows in Old Town

    “There is in all visible things… a hidden wholeness.”

    In 2013 we discovered I have a leaky aortic valve in my heart, known as Aortic Regurgitation. An EKG and treadmill test were done at that time and a status of moderate leakage was the diagnosis. I was told this is not uncommon but we need to watch it closely. This past May during my physical my family physician and I agreed it was time to have a cardiologist run some tests and get their evaluation. After several tests it has been determined the leakage has continued to deteriorate and the left chamber of my heart has begun to enlarge. I now have a better understanding for my lack of energy and motivation over the past 4-5 years. So, the cardiologists, surgeons and my family doctor consider me to be a good candidate for Aortic Valve Replacement surgery.

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  • Family,  health,  lifestyles

    Surgery Update

    July 8, 2016
    Get Whale Soon
    Get Whale Soon

    Here’s an update on the surgery I had back on June 27th. The surgery went well, no problems. I now have 80% less of my prostate. On the post operative side though, I was not expecting the amount of pain from the surgery. Needless to say Monday and Tuesday were not comfortable times for me. Lots of discomfort from the CO2 pumped into my body during surgery. Then on Tuesday evening I began running a fever. For the next 24 hours doctors and nurses pumped me with antibiotics and probed and poked to find out what was happening. On Wednesday night I broke the fever and was quickly on the recovery side again.  They discharged me late Thursday evening and I was a happy to be back home. Experiences like this remind us of what sleeping in your own bed is like.

    It seems like naps are an everyday agenda until I regain my strength. I’m taking short walks each day and doing all I can around the house. I haven’t done much with the camera but have decided to start hanging it around my neck. As I do so there is some form of healing taking place with I compose and press the shutter button.

    The catheter finally came out on July 5th. such a relief to have that gone. I had been wearing one since June 5th, four weeks. If anyone’s ever had to wear one then you know what I’m talking about. At this stage I’m trying to listen to my body and all that is its telling me. It has not functioned as designed for many years and will have to readjust.

    My sister, Sheree, was a God send. Not sure I will ever be able to thank her. She took me in for surgery then took me home. She arrived early each morning and went home around 9:00 or 9:30 each evening. Even after bringing me home she filled prescriptions for me and picked up a few groceries. I’m grateful for all she did and all she is!

    A friend of mine had these balloons waiting for me in my room and just loved the bandaged whale. One is for the recovery and the other was because the surgery was on my birthday. Not how I wanted to spend my birthday but it could be one of the best gifts for me. Thanks for any prayers and thoughts sent my way!

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  • architecture

    Surgery Today

    June 27, 2016

    Doctors Office
    Doctors Office

    I have seen a few doctors offices over the past few months. Hopefully today’s surgery will reduce if not eliminate them. Anyway, I’ll probably be offline for a few days…

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