• fall season,  leaves,  quotes

    Letting Go…

    November 7, 2024
    A small flurry of falling leaves.

    Where selfishness excludes, love makes room and includes.
    Where selfishness puts down, love lifts up.
    Where selfishness hurts and harms, love helps and heals.
    Where selfishness enslaves, love sets free and liberates.

    Michael Curry

    While walking home from the coffee shop this morning I was caught in a flurry of leaves on campus. Each leaf letting go and entering their freefall into an unknown phase of their journey. I was walking in a green, yellow, gold, and red snowstorm. I loved it. I also saw it as a subtle message for me to let go of my fears, worries, wild imagination, awfulizing (which is just one type of irrational thinking), and my desire to have some control. All of these point to my selfishness. Makes me wonder if our nation of entitlement and privilege is a mask of its deep selfishness. We as a nation are moving into an unknown phase of a new journey, a freefall like the leaves of fall. No matter what the future will look like, may I let go of selfishness and remember that disorder always precedes reorder. Thanks for listening! And, it’s been a cold blustery day here. Stay warm!!

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  • landscape,  natural areas,  Pineridge Natural Area,  quotes,  sunrises,  winter scenes

    It’s a Miracle

    February 5, 2024
    Predawn light over Dixon Reservoir

    To be alive and walk on the Earth is a miracle, and yet most of us are running as if there was some better place to get to. There is beauty calling to us every day, every hour, but we are rarely in a position to listen.

    Thich Nhat Hanh

    I can easily find myself running, sometimes unaware of the direction I’m running. Often times it’s driven by fear, worry, fatigue, anger, running late, and not surprisingly, influenced by our highly driven society. I have a few of ways to slow down. One is to journal. Another is time in nature. Prayer and meditation time is another. As I think about that I realize they allow me to see more of the beauty in this world. Enjoy your Monday!

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  • poems,  poetry

    Squirrel of Worry

    January 25, 2023

    Sometimes when things are going well,
    the daredevil squirrel of worry
    suddenly leaps from the back of my head
    to the feeder, swings by his paws
    and clambers up, twitching his question mark tail.
    And though I try the recommended baffles —
    tin cone of meditation, greased pipe
    of positive thought — every sunflower seed
    in this life is his if he wants it.

    Ted Kooser, Winter Morning Walks, page 48

    Well, I did not receive the news I wanted to hear from my cardiologist yesterday. The valve is in the severe stage and something needs to be done. The valve that was replaced 4 years ago is, in the doctor’s opinion, too small for my body which is why it failed so early. An echocardiogram 1 month post TAVR echo shows elevated MG of 26mmHg and Vmax of 3.27m/s, consistent with PPM. Which in doctor speak says the valve is already struggling. So, they are recommending I meet with a cardiothoracic surgeon for a possible SAVR (open heart surgery again) with a root enlargement, making that opening larger to accommodate a larger replacement valve. I have an Left Heart Cath set for Feb 13th then meet with the surgeon on the 15th. If the cardiothoracic surgeon does not think I’m a good candidate for whatever reason, the groin procedure is still an option but they’d still be looking at a valve that is too small. Not what I want. My next appointment is with the Hematologist to look at my low Platelet numbers. They say I’m thrombocytopenia.

    Again, it’s not the news I wanted but it’s what I have. Another opportunity to live in the present moment by keeping an eye on my feet and wiggling my toes.

    About the image and poem by Ted Kooser. I’ve encountered this squirrel of worry throughout my life and in the past 4 weeks it has been quite busy. I must admit all my worries are based in fear (False Evidence Appearing Real). I do my best to face these worries as part of life by finding quiet time, practicing prayer and meditation, spending time in nature and reaching out to a listening ear or being that listening ear. Avoiding my fears or denying them has never been a solution. Hoping you’re having a great Wednesday!

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  • clouds,  landscape,  Mary Oliver,  natural areas,  poems,  quotes,  sunrises

    Starting Tomorrow

    April 20, 2022
    Sunrise at Topminnow Natural Area

    I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
    flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
    as it was taught, and if not how shall
    I correct it?

    Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
    can I do better?

    Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
    can do it and I am, well,
    hopeless.

    Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
    am I going to get rheumatism,
    lockjaw, dementia?

    Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
    And gave it up. And took my old body
    and went out into the morning,
    and sang.

    Mary Oliver, Devotions

    I’ve worried a lot, too. I worry much less at my age because I also finally saw that it never really helped. I’m also a hopeless singer, with most of my practice done in the shower, solo. But, Mary Oliver’s poem has inspired me to stop worrying whether I’m as good a singer as a sparrow and just sing. So, starting tomorrow morning… 😁

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  • clouds,  landscape

    Storm clouds or squalls

    September 23, 2019

    Storm clouds on Colorado’s eastern plains taken in 2011

    “It takes a real storm in the average person’s life to make him realize how much worrying he has done over the squalls.” Bruce Barton

    I am learning the storm clouds I see on my inner horizons of life may be nothing more than squalls.  These squalls could be depression, worry, fear, loneliness, insecurities, fatigue, catastrophizing. On the other hand, the storms in life are things like illness, loss, or death, suffering, a broken camera lens, or a memory card failure. Ya know, true storms!

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  • Photography

    Don't Worry, Be Creative

    November 14, 2009

    20091105-_DSC6841-Edit
    Sea shell on the beach

    “Worrying about doing something new ends up stunting creative growth. Being creative does NOT require doing something new. It requires doing something that is authentically your real personal and true vision. If you take away anything from this blog post, I hope it’s that.” Scott Bourne

    What a powerful post Scott wrote for me, sort of like a personal letter. There are several nuggets in his post, I posted one of them a couple days ago. My history has included a lot of worry. As I’ve aged in years and have a few more experiences under my belt, those worries are far less frequent. I no longer work in engineering because I do not want to wake up in the middle of the night worrying about a problem that needs solved. In fact I could have used his quote back then. It nice to live the day as it unfolds before us and not struggle to make it way we want it. When I live the moment I can be more creative. Walking the beach for me is nothing new, done it a few times and love it. I’ll do it again, living the moment and see what creative juices flow without worries.

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