“The longer we listen to one another – with real attention – the more commonality we will find in all our lives. That is, if we are careful to exchange with one another life stories and not simply opinions.”
Barbara Deming
I love when people share stories. Opinions? Well, not so much. Opinions seem to always build walls. Ever wonder what our world would look like if we were learning to listen to each other’s stories with real attention? Congress, churches and our neighbors would look radically different to one another. Strangers would become neighbors. Gratefully, I am blessed in my life to have people who share their life stories with me, those life changing experiences that have altered the course of their lives. And by sharing their stories, they risk letting me know more about them. I consider that a gift. While they share those stories with me they may teach me something about myself. If they have the courage to risk sharing then I need to take the risk to really listen. They were all strangers before becoming wonderful friends. I have found they are also the ones who will listen to what I have to share about my experiences in life, allowing me to be at risk. We find our commonality.
6 Comments
Tom Dills
Ah, stories. While opinions are simply transactions, stories are what make friendships and relationships. We find as we travel that the stories are what makes people and places memorable. Everyone has opinions. And everyone has a story. Give me the story any time!
Monte Stevens
I agree, give me the stories any time.
Mark
Wise words Monte. I suppose finding those stories is part of the real challenge to find the commonality. They are often there, just hard to sort through the rubble to find them. But then I have found even if there is commonality and connection in the story, is it strong enough to overpower the differences, as if placed on a balancing scale. Is it then a matter of digging through more stories to tip it in a positive way?
Thanks for the brain food this morning!
Monte Stevens
Thanks, Mark. I’m not sure our differences need to overpower one or the other, they just are. I’ve heard it said our differences, our diversities are what make us strong. Not so sure balance needs to be equal or the same but somehow live together. I’m a dreamer.
Faye White
My initial thought on this is that most people don’t listen very well. While you’re telling your story, they are formulating a response/opinion.
But sharing life stories can be a bonding experience – if we listen.
Monte Stevens
I believe you’re right, Faye. And in many cases, I can find myself in that place of commentary in my mind rather than listening to them. I am learning to be the better listener and in learning that we teach others. Stay warm, my friend.