A few years ago I found myself with my camera bag over my shoulder, my hand on my doorknob, heading out the door, realizing I had no clue where I was headed. My mind was blank and a recurring experience. I can’t even count how many times I’ve laughed at myself. I’ve wondered if I was crazy. Of course there are times I had a clear indication of where I was heading but not always. Should I be making a therapy appointment?
Over the years I’ve come to the awareness that I am not a homebody but a restless soul of some sort. Home for me is not just a manmade structure with a mortgage payment of 30 years, which is how much of our culture defines home. For me, a home is where we lay our head to sleep, find shelter from harsh weather, a place of safety, and a sanctuary, a place of quiet and solitude. So home can be anywhere and everywhere. Some will disagree.
I feel at home when I’m at one of the local natural areas, camping trip, a road trip, a nearby park, in a bookstore or library, at a coffee shop, in a sacred place, or a bicycle ride, my Adirondack chair on my porch, anywhere and everywhere. I am a restless soul. I suppose this could indicate some psychological problems but we’ll dismiss that for now because I do not want to spend money on therapy sessions.
A closing thought as I want to keep this short. I have daydreamed of traveling most of my life. Play time was always outside, bicycling, sports, fishing, camping. As a young teenager I thought I wanted to be a truck driver. I’ve constantly dreamed of living an RV lifestyle for the past 15 years. Which I write about next. I’m a restless soul.
10 Comments
Tom Dills
Kathy & I have (half) jokingly referred to our house as ‘the place where we store all our unimportant stuff while we travel’ But of course that refers only to the structure, not the concept of ‘home’ which is entirely different.
We view our home as a place of comfort and quiet, to use your term, a sanctuary to return to after traveling. Whether ‘traveling’ means a trip to the grocery store or a weeks-long road trip, the idea of ‘going home’ is a comforting concept. That said, we do feel that to a certain extent, ‘home’ can be any place that gives us that respite, whether a hotel room somewhere or our house here in Charlotte.
It gave me comfort to see that photo of your first mocha at Bean Cycle. It’s little things like that that we rely on to keep us sane in all the craziness.
Monte Stevens
I can relate to the feeling I have had when returning from a trip. I remember those times when working as a flight attendant and coming home after a day from hell with weather problems, mechanical problems or cranky passengers. Home was sometimes my hotel room. I’ve experienced home where it was my campsite and the sunset or making morning coffee.
Yes the mocha was one of those pleasures I needed to have.
Earl
Your statement, “I’m a restless soul,” strikes a chord with me, Monte. I view traveling as more than merely going places and seeing things, although there’s certainly nothing wrong with that. A quote I’ve collected and referred to by Miriam Beard speaks intimately to my view of travel;
“Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.”
I may be overstating it, but there can be an almost spiritual sense to the rewards travel can provide. It may not be immediate, and some “ideas of living” might only be recognized later in life.
I agree with you about home. Home is not a place at all but a feeling. A feeling within ourselves that we can nurture and grow so we can be home anywhere. But it’s not always easy to do that. 😉
Bonnie reads your blog posts regularly, and when she learned of your dreams of living an RV Lifestyle, she told me she could see you doing that very successfully. I could imagine some insightful journaling and blog posts coming from it. 🙂
That mocha looks delicious.! I hope it was as good as it looks.
Monte Stevens
I like that quote! Thanks for sharing it.
I am also of the belief that travel is a spiritual experience because I’ve had them. There have been moments when my breath was taken away, I stood frozen taking it all in. One that comes to mind was while camping in Mesa Verde. My tent was setup and I was sitting on the tailgate of my Forester when a bear walks out the shrubs between me and the tent, maybe 15 feet away. They were so unconcerned about me. I sat there smiling in awe, wonder and joy. Seems like a gift.
Traveling does include multitudes of feelings. I’ve felt fear, doubt, fatigue, loneliness, joy, peace, serenity, excitement, and more. I like how you mention feelings of nurturing and growth within ourselves because I believe these do provide the seeds for insightful journaling and blog posts. All of my traveling over the past few years, other than working as a flight attendant, has been solo which has provided me the solitude that seems to be a deep longing in my life.
Yes, the mocha was a much needed gift!
Earl
Yelp, all those feelings are often found while traveling. There’s one more feeling I would add from my own experiences…feeling really alive and in tune with surroundings.
I appreciate you thoughts and openness on this, Monte. Take care.
Monte Stevens
Likewise! You have a fews miles of travel under your belt so I’m looking forward to hearing more. I remember a photo of you and Maggie sitting on a sand dune looking off into the sunset that speaks loudly of feelings. Those are the moments we’re speaking about.
Cedric
This is the kind of conversation we should all be having around a camp fire though I dare say it would take us to dawn and still leave so much unsaid. Growing up, I thought moving to new places every year or two was what people did but when I was old enough to keep in touch with friends I had made, I realised I was the only one moving around. I cannot say if I appreciated this at the time but looking back, what this instilled in me, makes me grateful. I have since met others who moved around a lot as children and ended up resenting it as they hated losing friends and having no “roots”. As adults they feel lonely and lost. The experience of losing friends and not having roots was the same for me but for whatever reason, it only made me cherish solitude and made me loose any sense of attachment to things. After we finally settled in Australia, I found myself reading travel stories exclusively. Over the years I ended up having favourites authors like Bruce Chatwin, Ted Simon, Pico Iyer, Nick Danzinger, Elizabeth Thurston, Sorrel Wilby and Peter Matthiessen. It was these people who put me back on the road and on the trail as an adult. Looking back, I think I was looking for answers to questions that had been filling my head since I was seven.
Anyway, I too should keep this short. I’ll look forward to future posts on this.
Monte Stevens
I like the campfire idea. Let’s set it up and everybody bring making for smores.
Even though my childhood was not nomadic I did not connect with long lasting friendships. Like you I cherished the solitude playing mostly with myself and a handful of friends. I don’t remember feeling the loneliness which may be the introvert in me. However, I do wish I did not have the attachment issues or them attached to me. I’m going to look into some of these authors you’ve mentioned as none of them is familiar to me except Pico Iyer.
Mark
I have a feeling you will be coming to some answers shortly, or just opening up opportunities for more questions. Admittingly, my travel bug has been silent for a few years now, but I am feeling a yearn to return to the ocean.
Good to see that cup!
Monte Stevens
Not really sure what bug has bit me but travel is consuming much of my thinking. Lot’s of questions running through my mind.