Generous listening is powered by curiosity, a virtue we can invite and nurture in ourselves to render it instinctive. It involves a kind of vulnerability – a willingness to be surprised, to let go of assumptions and take in ambiguity. The listener wants to understand the humanity behind the words of the other, and patiently summons one’s own best self and one’s own best words and questions.
Krista Tippett, Becoming Wise: An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art of Living
Over the years I’ve discovered how poorly I listen. Some of the discovery is from encountering people who are poor listeners, enabling me to see the reflection of myself in them. Becoming a better listener allows me to be the student rather than thinking I need to mansplain it. I agree with Krista that listening is a virtue we can invite and nurture and overtime becomes instinctual. It seems to me listening is the very foundation to any healthy relationship with another human and all of creation. With that in mind, my curiosity begs to ask the question, what do we learn when listening to the silence of a winter snowfall?
4 Comments
Bonnie Moore
Your post struck a chord with me, Monte. I find it odd that we don’t teach the critical skill of listening. We command children, and some adults, to “Stop talking and listen!” But there’s a big difference between hearing and listening. Listening to understand is hard work and requires us to put aside all our filters, prejudices and pre-conceived notions. Yet most of us credit ourselves as good listeners when we don’t interrupt!
Monte Stevens
Glad the words struck a chord with you because that allows your comment to be filled with wise words. I would suggest they come from your experiences. Yes, listening just to form a reply is not the listening that allows us to know and accept another. There is a saying that to learn something we need to “take the cotton out of our ears and put it in our mouths.” I do believe listening is a learned skill! We must practice it. I have found sitting in quiet and letting go of thoughts has been a major help in learning to listen because I can carry that into a conversation. Again, thanks for your wise words.
Faye
I find that I need to “stop thinking and listen”. Often, people just want/need to be heard. They’re not necessarily looking for advice.
Monte Stevens
Yes, there are those who need to be heard in their effort to understand themselves and humanity. There are those who want to hear themselves, not interested in understanding another, usually ego driven. I prefer to be a better listener so that those who need to just be heard can be. And, you said so well when I am listening I no longer have to tell them what I think or fixing them. I’m learning! Thanks for listening.