I was not in a good place yesterday. I felt frustration because of the state of our environmental crisis, loss of so much of our natural world, our political mess, economic mess, the entitlement mentality of individuals and corporations, the anger and violence in our world, and my own insecurities and fears along with my own feelings of entitlement. My journal is one of the tools I use when I become aware of these shadowy mental states. So, I took time in the afternoon to write about it. As words began to appear, I noticed a lot of wants and little gratitude for what I already have. Seems my appetite to want “more” crops up again, even in these troubled times, even when so many are struggling, even when I have all that I need.
Yet, through my writing I became aware the root of my frustration is: the noise. Silence has become a precious gift in my life. So, the noise of man’s machines that have grated against me for years, seemed to be even louder, more intense. Part of that has been the reduction of noise during this lockdown. I think I’ve mentioned this before but sometimes I just want to run away. So I did, even knowing there is no away.
The above image is as close to away as it got for me, about 7-8 miles east of town. I pulled over to watch and listen to nature, letting it all sink in, soothing, healing this troubled soul. The birds were singing and the grass eating cow machines were busily working. There is a twitter quote by Neil deGrasse Tyson that says a cow is a biological machine invented by humans to turn grass into steak. What’s really cool is it’s a quiet machine. Why can’t we have more quiet machines? I didn’t want to go back to town.
12 Comments
Cedric
I am sorry to hear about your frustrations, which I can well understand, as I’ve been there myself in the past. It’s good that you have your journaling to help you cope. I know some people who do not have any mechanisms to help them deal with their feelings and such frustrations about things they feel powerless to change can become overwhelming.
As for city noise, artificial noise and even people noise at times, I also understand what you’re feeling. I have always sought quiet, not necessarily all-out silence but simply quietude with the obvious preference for natural sounds over artificial, machine-induced noise. However, it is a rare gift these days, to find those quiet moments. I live relatively close to a motorway and the noise from the traffic can get obtrusive , but over the years I have come to realise that the amount of irritation and frustration I feel from machine/city induced noise has always been in direct proportion to the noise produced by my thoughts. The noisier things get in my head, the noisier the world becomes. I have been in situations where I have been far from people, far from cities or towns and found myself irritated by the noise from birds, waves or even wind. It might have been from a bad night’s sleep or some other frustration or some matter weighing on my mind. But equally, I have found that when mind is at peace, the noise around me seems to dissipate or at the very least, seems to take on a perfectly acceptable timbre. However, sometimes thoughts and noise create a feedback loop which is difficult to extricate ourselves from. At those times, it’s a good idea to do what you do Monte, and just take to the hills, or in your case, the fields and prairies.
Monte Stevens
Thanks for your insight, Cedric. I also deal with the noise from my monkey mind, whether I’m m in meditation or nature or grocery store. That noise can dominate the external noise. I find the sound of nature to be soothing most of the time. However, this morning the one goose who decided to repeat incessantly the same single honk about caused me to run after them. 😊 But, I knew they would not understand my frustration. Nor, was I considering them. I have no idea if they were complaining or happy. 😃
When my mind is in a place of peace or serenity the external noise seems distant and less obtrusive. I have young people who live every moment of their lives attached to their phones, watching some youtube video or listening to some song. That is noise!
I giggled just now as the goose is back at it!!!!
Earl
I hear what you’re saying, Monte, and there is much cause currently for frustration. This is not a problem of just you. Many of us feel it now. We need more peace these days for sure, be it by surrounding ourselves by quiet and nature or hoping for resolution and positivity of some of the issues surrounding and bombarding us. Grab those moments away while and when you can and know you’re not alone. Take care and be safe.
Monte Stevens
Yes, I understand that. Just watch the news and you can see the frustration of people. We also witness the different ways people handle it or not. I use the tools I have and the healthy people around me to help me. Have a great weekend!
Tom Dills
It’s surprising how much external noise permeates our lives without us realizing it. Add to that the internal noise that comes from worry about our own personal situation in particular and the world situation in general, and it’s no wonder we can get down at times. We get used to a certain noise level, but when the volume increases it is very easy to reach a point of maximum tolerance. Turning off as much of the noise as we have control over is a good start, and getting out into nature where there is hopefully a lot less environmental noise is an excellent way to find peace.
Monte Stevens
Yes, I’m with you on this, Tom. I do make my share of drives out of town and to Natural Areas across town. I can sometimes struggle with that because of the fuel I use and I’m now part of the noise
Mark
I hear you. I am particularly sensitive to jumbled or excessive noise – to the point of it causing severe anxiety. I am pretty sure there is likely an official disorder naming it, just haven’t wanted to look it up to define, because it doesn’t do much other than name it. In a noisy room with a lot of conversations where I am trying to listen to someone else, or outdoors with a lot of lawn care equipment buzzing around – just drives me crazy, perhaps literally. On more than a few occasions, I just needed to abruptly get up and leave.
I can actually sense the silence in your photograph Monte, and that, for me – is a pleasing thing indeed!
Monte Stevens
I think a lot more people enjoy and need silence in their lives but are so accustomed to the man made noise that without it seems unnatural. The lawn mowing and especially the leaf blowers cause me the severe anxiety. I have gotten to the place where I find some other place to be. Thank you for the kind words on my images!!
Mark
Yeah we have a particular neighbor obsessed with his blower. It is combined with this particular blower he uses has the most annoying whine you’ve ever heard. It’s so distinctive, my wife and I always look at each other and say “guess who’s at it again?!’ 🙂
Tom Dills
All of the landscapers around here (and, I assume, everywhere) must have gone to the same school of blower operation. Instead of just turning it on and running it, they have the continually throttle it – rumrumruumrumruuuumrumruum…. Drives us crazy, mostly because we’re about the only people outside to hear it. And possibly because everyone else has their TVs on. Silly! 😉
Joseph Smith
I hear ya’. I’ve not written a word in over a week and missed many blog posts I normally read (I’m just catching up on yours). All for the reasons you express here. It’s a funk and not a healthy one. I’ve found music a comforting retreat so I’ve been playing thru much of my library. I can’t seem to find the motivation for photography right now but I know it will come and that is a slight comfort. Take care, Monte.
Monte Stevens
I know people who lean on their tunes for the serenity they need. Many of us are in funks. Sometimes it’s necessary for me for force myself to pick up my journal and fountain pen or my camera or go for a walk. I see where you have posted something so I’ll go check that out.