• a gift of life,  Family,  Portraits

    I found it healing…

    I watched a spectacular sunset show last night from about 4:45-5:05 pm through my bedroom window. The show was an unusually long and wonderful experience. For some reason I felt no need to grab my camera but just wanted to experience the beauty of its gift. About fifteen minutes later, while I was journaling about the sunset, I received a message from my sister that dad had died peacefully about 5 pm. I cried, have continued to cry and expect to cry more! It’s all part of the grieving process. An hour or so later I awakened to the realization that the sunset we were experiencing was happening about the same time as dad was saying goodbye to Colorado or Colorado was saying goodbye to dad. And then this morning’s sunrise was just as spectacular, which I received as a message that they are both still present in our lives. Today I have been going through old photos to put in a small book to give to all the grandkids, which we did when mom died. So, I have been deep in memories today as I go through photos. I found it healing for me.

  • clouds,  landscape,  quotes

    Longing to Grow

    We have within us a deep longing to grow and become a new creature, but we possess an equally strong compulsion to remain – to burrow down in our safe, secure places.

    Sue Monk Kidd

    We received a dusting of snow during the night and into early morning. The sun then tried its best to break through but to no avail. It has been cold all day, not going above 32 degrees. It’s a perfect day for another bowl of chili soup I made yesterday. Stay warm!

    I drove up around Horsetooth Reservoir yesterday watching the sky and her clouds, hoping to find some scenes in my viewfinder. These horses are on a large ranch near Bellvue. When I first pulled up they all looked up at me than decided I was harmless.

    I have read that any addictive behaviors has a potential to stunt our growth. We will pick up our addictive behavior rather than live life and all of its challenges, or as the quote says, “to burrow down in our safe, secure places.” I did that through daydreaming and alcohol. There always seemed to be some thought convincing me that avoidance was a softer, easier way to live. Over twenty years ago it became apparent such thinking was one of the many lies I believed and was not working. I now know facing challenges is the softer, easier way in life. That does not prevent me from wanting to turn away once in a while. Yet, each time I face life there’s the gift of growth, maturity, wisdom, strength which always seems to make me ready for the next challenge.

    Yesterday I received word that a friend I’ve known for nearly 30 years died unexpectedly. It is always a shock to receive such news. I cried. Then I felt the gratitude for her life! I cried again. I’ll probably cry more and that’s some of the growth essential in life, moving me to become who I am! I know some of you can relate as we all grieve!

  • lifestyles,  quotes,  writing/reading

    A Chapter has Ended

    Easter morning – Monte, Mom, Sheree, Marcee

    “You don’t go around grieving all the time, but the grief is still there
    and always will be.”

    Nigella Lawson

    The constant sound of the pulsating oxygen concentrator is silent. A quiet has settled over the room. My mother died peacefully early this morning, Her suffering has ended. I will miss her.

    A large weight has been lifted from my 92 year old father who now faces the painful absence of a spouse of 72 years. We will all be there for him, and each other, as we go through our own grieving process to find some peacefulness and serenity that we’ve been missing for several weeks.

    This will not be a wordy post or any attempt at expressing how I feel at the moment because I’m not sure how I feel. There’s a sense I will probably process her life and death for the rest of my life. And to be honest, I actually look forward to that. I again thank all of you for your thoughts, prayers and well wishes you have offered my family.