• poems,  poetry

    Squirrel of Worry

    January 25, 2023

    Sometimes when things are going well,
    the daredevil squirrel of worry
    suddenly leaps from the back of my head
    to the feeder, swings by his paws
    and clambers up, twitching his question mark tail.
    And though I try the recommended baffles —
    tin cone of meditation, greased pipe
    of positive thought — every sunflower seed
    in this life is his if he wants it.

    Ted Kooser, Winter Morning Walks, page 48

    Well, I did not receive the news I wanted to hear from my cardiologist yesterday. The valve is in the severe stage and something needs to be done. The valve that was replaced 4 years ago is, in the doctor’s opinion, too small for my body which is why it failed so early. An echocardiogram 1 month post TAVR echo shows elevated MG of 26mmHg and Vmax of 3.27m/s, consistent with PPM. Which in doctor speak says the valve is already struggling. So, they are recommending I meet with a cardiothoracic surgeon for a possible SAVR (open heart surgery again) with a root enlargement, making that opening larger to accommodate a larger replacement valve. I have an Left Heart Cath set for Feb 13th then meet with the surgeon on the 15th. If the cardiothoracic surgeon does not think I’m a good candidate for whatever reason, the groin procedure is still an option but they’d still be looking at a valve that is too small. Not what I want. My next appointment is with the Hematologist to look at my low Platelet numbers. They say I’m thrombocytopenia.

    Again, it’s not the news I wanted but it’s what I have. Another opportunity to live in the present moment by keeping an eye on my feet and wiggling my toes.

    About the image and poem by Ted Kooser. I’ve encountered this squirrel of worry throughout my life and in the past 4 weeks it has been quite busy. I must admit all my worries are based in fear (False Evidence Appearing Real). I do my best to face these worries as part of life by finding quiet time, practicing prayer and meditation, spending time in nature and reaching out to a listening ear or being that listening ear. Avoiding my fears or denying them has never been a solution. Hoping you’re having a great Wednesday!

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  • leaves,  Plants,  poetry,  writing/reading

    Entice the eyes…

    January 18, 2023

    again amazed at nature’s flair
    as she creates her shared gifts
    the earth becomes her canvas while
    spreading a tapestry of leaves
    that entice the eyes of the heart

    mws

    A major winter storm is impacting our area. Snow began falling yesterday evening. Looks like we have 3-4 inches this morning and it’s expected to continue snowing throughout the day. Seems the worst of the snow will be farther east. I have an appointment for a CT scan this afternoon and hope the roads are in good condition by then. I took this image a couple days ago outside my condo. I was drawn by the color and pattern. Right now I’m watching it snow from the chair in my bedroom’s bay window. May you have a super Awesome day!

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  • Art,  latte art,  poetry,  writing/reading

    The Gift of a Smile

    January 4, 2023

    Made a trip to the coffee shop this morning for
    a much needed dose of medicine in my recovery

    I was greeted with the beautiful smiles
    of Logan and Nate, over two weeks without them

    Nate brings me this cortado with his special touch,
    a cute pigs face made of frothy milk, now I smile

    Soft music lets the din of people’s conversations to dominate
    comforting me with voices and smiles from people I do not know

    I watch as a woman, pregnant with child, sits at a nearby table,
    reading her book with a cup of coffee, its steam rising in the sunlight

    I journal from my favorite chair where the sun warms me,
    these sacred moments somehow bring comfort and serenity

    So this morning I accepted the gift of a smile from my baristas
    holding their smile within me and offering the gift of my own smile

    Yes, the gift of a smile…

    mws

    PS: Sorry for the poor depth of field in the image.

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  • coffee life,  coffee shops,  Documentary/Street,  poems,  poetry,  street photography,  writing/reading

    Wintery Sunday

    November 27, 2022

    wrapped in my blanket in the predawn darkness
    I read and meditate on words which
    become seeds for my soul and mind

    the new day offers a dusting of snow outside my window
    so after my quiet time I bundle in warm clothing and
    grab my backpack to venture to the coffee shop

    am greeted by early-to-rise baristas as I enter the door,
    they make my favorite, an Old Town mocha, extra hot,
    perfect on this bleak and wet day

    notice beads of water forming their own worlds
    on the patio chairs warning me to sit inside
    on this wintery sunday morning

    ms
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  • clouds,  landscape,  Mary Oliver,  natural areas,  Pineridge Natural Area,  poems,  poetry,  sunrises

    Predawn Pinks

    August 9, 2022
    Predawn pinks this morning

    Praying

    It doesn’t have to be
    the blue iris, it could be
    weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
    small stones; just
    pay attention, then patch

    a few words together and don’t try
    to make them elaborate, this isn’t
    a contest but the doorway

    into thanks, and a silence in which
    another voice may speak.

    Mary Oliver, from her book Thirst
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  • clouds,  landscape,  Mary Oliver,  natural areas,  Pineridge Natural Area,  poems,  poetry,  sunrises

    It’s about…

    June 27, 2022

    The Journey
    One day you finally knew
    what you had to do, and began,
    though the voices around you
    kept shouting
    their bad advice –
    though the whole house
    began to tremble
    and you felt the old tug
    at your ankles.
    “Mend my life!”
    each voice cried.
    But you didn’t stop.
    You knew what you had to do,
    though the wind pried
    with its stiff fingers
    at the very foundations,
    though their melancholy
    was terrible.
    It was already late
    enough, and a wild night,
    and the road full of fallen
    branches and stones.
    But little by little,
    as you left their voices behind,
    the stars began to burn
    through the sheets of clouds,
    and there was a new voice
    which you slowly
    recognized as your own,
    that kept you company
    as you strode deeper and deeper
    into the world,
    determined to do
    the only thing you could do –
    determined to save
    the only life you could save.

    Mary Oliver, from Dream Work

    I usually read one or two of Mary Oliver’s poems when I go to bed. This poem called The Journey, kept me awake the other night so maybe I need to rethink that routine. Anyway, the poem rocked me because it’s asking questions that I’m still asking myself at 72 years of age. It’s about transformation of an inner journey. So, it is asking if I’m willing to take all the risks involved, if I dare listen to the voice within, to face a death of some kind, to let go to something I’ve outgrown and the birth of a new self. It’s about learning to trust myself, about leaving the bad advice and demands of other people behind and even the voice of my own insecure egoic self, and to follow my own instincts, my own path in life. What does it say to you?

    Today is my 72 birthday. I will most likely spend some time with my feathered friends at one of the natural areas, have a mocha or chai, get in some reading and journaling time. Basically, I’ll continue to spoil myself, even at this age.

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